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The Rules of Beef-Fest

  1. Each competitor must consume a predetermined quantity of beef, no less than two imperial pounds and no more than two metric tonnes.
  2. Half quotas will be permitted at the management's discretion to members of the fairer sex (wenches).
  3. This meat must be cooked over a barbeque or other open fire.
  4. This meat must be consumed within a predetermined time. Officially between 6pm and midnight.
  5. Extra points will be allocated for variety of meat products and/or animals. However this must be in addition to the two pounds of beef.
  6. Any competitor who does not consume their meat quota in the given time will henceforth be known as any of the following, to be decided jointly by all successful competitors:
    • Clown master
    • Spaba-boy
    • Cheese thief
    • Shrew tickler
    • Badger worrier
    • Olympic walker
    • Turtle stroker
  7. High quality beef such as Sirloin, T-Bone or Rib-Eye will be awarded the accolade of the 'Connoisseurial Raised Eyebrow'.
  8. Spectators are encouraged to join the beef-fest evening but will have diminished barbeque priority and will be known for the duration of the evening as 'the unenlightened'.
  9. Visitors to the toilets of any successful competitors in the subsequent two days will lose any right to complain about the smell or groaning noises eminating from aforesaid building.
  10. The management accepts no responsibility for any food poisoning, convusions, epilepsy and non-terminal cases of death that may result from the event.